Everyone has a story to share and those are the building blocks of community
An interview with Community Pyschologist Yurii Lazaruk
Number me as one of the woo-woo folks who believe it’s our stories that connect us as humans (as if that’s not obvious by this Substack), and in turn our stories are immeasurable tools for building community.
Community being whatever grouping of people coming together in whatever place either real, digital or imagined you could want.
Community-building is something I’ve been trying to do and learn about for years for my day gig. One of the most enthusiastic voices I’ve run across is Yurii Lazaruk.
I wanted to ask Yurii about his community building work, stories and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Who are you and what do you want from life?
Wow! My name is Yurii Lazaruk, and I am a community psychologist (as some folks call me), a community consultant, a husband, a father, an owner of two dogs, a person who wants to make the world a better place to live for everyone and someone who totally believes that connecting with people, listening and sharing our stories and helping each other - that’s exactly how we can make this world better.
You live in Kyiv, Ukraine. The first question should be are you and your family safe? Are you doing okay?
Yes, rather okay and relatively safe, but there are only two ways to talk about the shit that is going on in Ukraine - with tears or a smile.
I prefer a smile because it makes everything better! :)
Your career has been committed to building community in several different roles. What attracts you to this work and why is it important?
Helping people, listening to their life stories, learning from each other, asking questions, connecting folks with similar interests and like-minded people, and seeing how we are growing together and impacting each other's lives - that’s what attracts me.
I believe people are strong together, even two are always much stronger than one, and if there are three, you are already superheroes. I love empowering people.
Instead of saying “I can do nothing,” say “What small step can I take right now to make it just a little better?”
You’ve worked in finance and tech. Industries that might not be best known for their sense of community. How can you help positively shape a community in a workplace that might be focused on numbers and outputs?
I worked in finance and tech but didn’t build communities there. However, people who are working there are still human.
Behind all the numbers, we can see a mother, an owner of a rescue dog, a volunteer, a painter, a Zelda player, a gardener, etc.
Communities are not built on job titles.
If you have trust and meaningful relationships, you’ll become friends and friendship goes far beyond numbers and outputs.
You mentioned Zelda, what is the best Legend of Zelda game and why?
For me, it's The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild because we bought our kid a Nintendo Switch and this game, and I spent a lot of great hours playing together with him :)
Sharing our stories is key to developing communities. How can you encourage those who feel they don’t have a story to share?
Everyone has a story to share! Even if you woke up and noticed that you felt good or bad, it’s already a story to share.
People don’t value these small moments as valuable stories to share since we’ve been fed with all the noise around money and fame, leaving many of us feeling that our normal life is not enough.
I still have this feeling almost daily, but I’m brawling with those thoughts. And what helps me is posting on Linkedin, supporting conversations, joining meetings, and interacting with people - by that, you understand that people like people.
But if we are talking about encouragement - I just listen to people and ask additional questions.
For example, on the Community Life podcast I ask community experts about their life journeys.
To do that, I check their social media and create initial questions, but I never ask all of them in a row, one by one. I need those initial questions to start the conversation, and then I am asking follow-ups, or the most simple one - “Tell me more”.
Here is a great dialogue we had with Pablo Gonzales about conversations as an example of my approach.
Your LinkedIn posts are always thoughtful and have a purpose. What’s your thinking about how you share of yourself and your work in that space?
When I’m sharing something, it’s all about my feelings, emotions or what I’ve learned from my mistakes, or maybe some amazing stuff I learned from others.
I totally believe that you can learn from anyone. You just have to be curious and sometimes have deeper conversations instead of just “Hey, how are you?”
I definitely care about what people say about me, but not too much. So I show up as I am. If somebody doesn’t like me, it’s their choice. I do not force them.
But if we think similarly, I’d love to talk more with them and continue our never-ending learning journey!
Social media can be a powerful place to share our stories, but it can also create a false identity or the feeling of your life needing to be a highlight reel. How do you think we, as individuals, can turn the corner from feeling like we need to meet unnatural expectations versus just being ourselves?
The more active I am on social media, the more I start to care about views, likes and comments.
It seems like instant feedback, and if I don’t have it I feel like I am doing something wrong.
But it doesn’t work that way! Sharing your thoughts on social media, it’s sharing your identity in an attempt to find a like-minded person and start a valuable conversation.
People often didn’t like or comment on my posts, but when we had one-on-one conversations, they mentioned things I wrote about and we talked more about that. Those conversations are what I love the most!
So it doesn’t matter how many likes or views you have. What matters is what connections you’ve strengthened, what conversations you’ve started and what you learned from those interactions.
You don't need everyone to love you, just a few good people!
What is the “magic sauce” for a long lasting, meaningful community?
There is no “magic sauce,” unfortunately. What works for one community might not work for another. But a community must always serve people and be a place where you can find trust, support and help when needed.
So for me, it is essential to get to know people from a community I work with, understand their deep needs and find the best ways other folks and I can help each other.
Are you getting any closer to getting The Rock on your podcast?
Yes and no. I received an answer from his team that Dwayne is not available for the interview at the moment, but they didn’t answer that he won’t do it.
I just keep preparing questions for The Rock and sharing my dream with others, so that when we’ll have a date I’ll be ready!
"People don’t value these small moments as valuable stories to share..." Very much in line with Yurii's comment that everyone has a story to share. I truly believe that. We contain multitudes.